21. A Genteel Sacking

I never considered 33 years ago that I would end my career by being sacked nor that the sacking would be done so genteelly and with such kindness. The final meeting at HQ, with an HR manager who carried out what are very formal duties with empathy, ended with my manager and my sister who had accompanied me sniffling and trying to hold back tears. I haven't cried. Yet.

I loved my job. Every job has moments that are taxing but over 33 years I've had the privilege to work with very special, lovely people who have enhanced my life and whose lives I hope I have touched in a positive way. So, yes, I loved my job.

After decades of having my head deeply placed in sand about having 'Yuppie Flu' since the 80s, I couldn't ignore that ME was making my work and my family life a struggle. I don't include social life in this as I no longer have one. I do now feel that ME has defeated me. It's stolen my career from me.

I cannot fathom how a false illness belief could be to blame for ME. Mine is classic ME like that of hundreds of thousands of others in the UK and millions worldwide.  I have struggled for years to keep going, not avoiding activity but longing to be active when my body just wouldn't cooperate. I truly can't see that it's to do with believing I'm ill when I'm not. There's the more credible hypothesis that adrenaline and cortisol bounce up and down in response to anxiety and everyone has things to be anxious about. I can see that being more relevant when I was younger and am not aware in recent years of being so anxious that adrenaline is driving me. Having pulled my head out of the sand I've caught up with balanced discussion about ME and find the Rituximab research the most promising followed closely by Ampligen which I think by now should be more freely available to ME sufferers.

After years of unpredictable health that led to absences and more recently visits to Occupational Health I tried one last push to return to work and never made it back up to my full hours. All other options ruled out I recognised ill health retirement was the only way to go and for that you must first have Incapacity Dismissal. Hence my very gracious and somewhat inevitable sacking. I'm quite sure my boss has never had to fire anyone before so I'm sorry I had to put her through it.

Keeping it genteel I was reassured I could tell colleagues that I have taken early retirement rather than telling the truth. But oh how being sacked sounds so much more fun that that!